Q5: Please explain how and why this has changed over time.

Younger children

Almost half of all respondents (46%) who answered this question noted that the young age of their children meant that they were hungry early and needed to go to bed around 7pm. This meant having dinner some time between 4pm and 5.30pm. As a result, it was hard for the family to eat together, as often one parent (usually the father) did not get home from work until 6pm or 7pm. In addition, a number of respondents felt it was too early for them to eat when their children ate.

Parents dealt with this issue in a number of ways. Some Couch members, particularly those who did not mind eating early, had dinner with their children and saved some food for the working parent to eat when s/he got home. Others sat with their children at dinnertime but did not eat themselves (although some reported having a snack). Most of these respondents had dinner with their partner once s/he came home from work. In these cases, dinner was typically scheduled after the children had gone to bed. Some people liked it that way because it allowed them to have some one-on-one time with their partner. Other people would have preferred it if everyone could eat together. A few of these respondents had tried to create a family dinner atmosphere by having their children eat an evening snack at the table while they had their dinner.

“While we would like to eat dinner together, work frequently demands late nights for either my husband or me a few nights each week. Children under 4 can’t wait until after 7pm to eat, so on those nights the parent who goes home at 5pm makes dinner for the kids separately.”

“The children generally have to eat dinner earlier than when daddy gets home from work (he’s usually not home till after 6.30pm).”

“We feed our son early (around 5pm). I can’t eat dinner that early so my husband and I eat later in the evening together.”

Another factor for a few respondents was that younger children needed more help, were often more restless at the table, and did not have as good table manners as older children. Some said this could make family dinners stressful.

“Bad behaviour of younger children sometimes makes this impossible.”

Older children

Just over half the responses were related to influences that arose when children were getting older. A quarter of respondents’ children were away during dinnertime due to other commitments such as sports, music lessons or other extra curricular activities. These children often ate alone after they got home from the activity. A number of respondents complained that many sports-related activities were scheduled at dinnertime. The second most common reason older children did not eat with their family was that they had a social life which meant that they sometimes ate in town with friends or at their friends’ houses (e.g. during sleepovers). Almost as many people noted that their children had part-time work that took place after school hours and/or during the weekends which meant they sometimes missed dinner at home.

“Our son goes out with friends some evenings for dinner, other times he is playing sport and coming home late for dinner.”

“Teenager’s part-time job interferes with dinner time sometimes.”

A few people said their teenage children wanted to eat alone in their own room or somewhere else in the house because they did not want to eat with the rest of the family. Five Couch member’s children were at boarding school and therefore rarely home for dinner.

“My daughters are now in their teens and have a TV in their room. That’s where they have their dinner while I eat uninterrupted in the lounge. This arrangement doesn’t compromise our family time as I pop in at regular intervals during the evening and lots of conversations happen at this time.”

A few respondents had both young and old children which meant that the frequency of having family dinners was affected by the early routines of younger children and the social life and commitments of older children.

“The older children are out in the evening with work or sports commitments. I need to feed the younger one early and sometimes his father is still not at home from work.”

Q15: Please share your top tips for encouraging children to eat their vegetables.

Couch members provided almost 800 tips on how to encourage children to eat their vegetables. Tips could be grouped into two broad themes: strategies related to eating behaviour and strategies concerning the preparation or presentation of the food itself.

Eating behaviour

The “one bite rule” or “tiny-tiny tastes rule” or an alternative of this was one strategy. This rule typically meant that the child had to try the vegetable that was served on their plate, but was not required to finish it or eat large amounts of it if they did not like it. The most common quantity the children had to eat was one spoonful or “one bite”, but some required their children to eat two or three spoonfuls. A couple of respondents asked their children to eat one spoonful for each year of age. Other people did not specify the amount but asked their children to eat a small amount of everything served to them.

“We have a rule where everything on their plate must have been bitten a little bit and after that I don’t mind.”

“I ask that my son takes a bite from everything on his plate – it doesn’t have to be a big bite, just taste it.”

Another common strategy was to allow the children to not eat some things. This could be done by giving the children plenty of options and allowing them to exclude one or a few vegetables that they didn’t like. Some respondents said their children had to eat large quantities of the vegetables they did like but were not forced to have any they did not like. A number of respondents had asked their children to make a list of one or a few vegetables that they did not like. These vegetables were never served to them, but the list could be altered as tastes changed. The strategy of either partially or wholly accommodating children’s likes and dislikes was noted by 14% of respondents.

“Allow your kids to not have a couple of things they really don’t like – don’t give those to them.”

“They can write down two particular foods that they don’t have to eat (even if the rest of the family is eating it) on the condition that they eat the rest. The list remains in place for weeks on end, until they decide that there is something they dislike more, then they can cross off a previous dislike and replace it. They are so happy to be excused from those two foods that they happily will eat the rest.”

On the contrary, seven people (1%) thought the best strategy was to give no options. These people required their children to eat everything that what was served, or go hungry.

Fourteen percent of respondents advised starting early. Some people who gave their children mashed vegetables as their first foods said their children had never had any problems eating vegetables.

“Always serve vegetables from when the children start eating solid food and keep presenting them even if they are initially rejected.”

Another common strategy was to talk about the benefits of eating vegetables. This was mentioned by 12% of respondents. Many people said that they provided nutritional information about vegetables and encouraged their children to eat vegetables by saying things like “if you eat your broccoli you will be strong and energetic so you can play more at kindy”.

“Explain that vegetables are an important component of our diet for healthy living.”

“Explaining what the body uses veges for, i.e. that’s good for your blood, that’s good for your eyes, it will help you run, it will make you strong. That gives them incentive to eat them.”

Eleven percent of respondents suggested not focusing on it, not making a deal about it or getting angry. Many of these people went on to say that children will develop a taste for vegetables over time and that it was not worth the effort to fight about it. Ten percent of respondents stressed that children will eventually “give in” if they are consistently offered vegetables.

“The best advice I can give is to NOT make a fuss over it. Our problems were from us doing everything you listed above except ignoring the problem!”

“Never fight over food…take the power out of it.”

“Keep trying, some day they will eat it.”

A similar number of people used various behaviour modification techniques to get their children to eat vegetables. Many of these people gave dessert as a reward for eating vegetables or withheld dessert as punishment for not eating vegetables.

“Reward eating all veges (and other parts of dinner) with dessert.”

In addition, a number of people (9%) stressed the importance of positive role modelling or “leading by example”. The message from these people was that if children see their parents eating vegetables happily and abundantly then they will too (eventually).

“I think it’s important that adults enjoy their veges and if they are a normal part of each meal they aren’t anything special – kids will eat them as normal.”

“Find a friend whose kids love veggies and have them over for dinner or go to their house. When your child sees others eat them they might try.”

Preparation or presentation of food

A large proportion of responses concerned the way the food was presented or prepared. Thirteen percent of respondents suggested serving the vegetables raw if the children did not like them cooked. Many people said that their children preferred raw vegetables such as carrots, celery, capsicum or broccoli over cooked ones. Some respondents suggested serving raw vegetables as snacks before dinner so they weren’t filling up on other food before it came to eating their vegetables. In this way they could be sure their children had their fair share of vegetables.

“I discovered after battles over cooked veges when my kids were younger, what they didn’t like cooked they loved raw! As raw is better for them I often gave them carrot or celery sticks or little broccoli heads dipped in cottage cheese to munch on before tea – when they were dying of hunger from the smell of tea cooking! Then they would have the main with the rest of the family later.”

One in ten Couch members emphasised the importance of making the food tasty and preparing it the way the children liked it. A number of people suggested not overcooking the vegetables and making sure they looked tasty and colourful. Six percent of respondents added some sort of topping or dip to the vegetables to make them taste better. Examples include grated cheese, cheese sauce, sour cream, and mayonnaise. Being creative with the way the food was presented or offered was another tip that was mentioned. A few people suggested serving the vegetables as a face on the plate and some people suggested giving funny names to different vegetables.

“Cook veges to retain their natural shape and flavour. Boiling them to death just makes them mush!”

“I find that a bit of grated cheese helps cooked vegetables go down.”

“Arrange the plate of vegetables into a happy face or some kind of sculpture – my children have enjoyed mashed potato and vegetable sculptures they have made themselves and then eaten.”

“Another fun way to make tea fun for littlies is to make vege animals e.g. a hedgehog made out of mashed spud in a rounded mound with carrot stick spikes on its back .“

Getting the children involved in the preparation of vegetables was suggested. This could be anything from having the children cook the vegetables (e.g. making the salad or chopping something) to coming along to the supermarket and selecting the vegetables they liked. Some people involved their children in growing their own vegetables. All of these strategies had increased children’s motivation to eat vegetables.

“Having the children cook full meals makes them want to eat their creations.”

“Involving child in preparation of the vegetables, as well as asking child to get the vegetables at the supermarket allowing child choice in which vegetables to buy and which ones to cook that night.”

Another strategy was to disguise the vegetables in one way or another. This included grating carrot or zucchini into pasta sauce or mashed potatoes. Some people suggested chopping the vegetables very finely or serving them in very small bits so that they could hardly be detected. Examples included finely chopped onion and capsicum on pizza, or in quiches and pies.

“Finely chopped or grated into mince. Eat a lot of mince based meals.”

“Mince, lasagne, or meat ball type meals are great absorbers of vegetables as fillers (carrot, tomato, onion, celery, garlic, and many more). Soups can be very veggelicious, and can be eaten with really great bread.”

Q17: Do you have any further comments about the importance (or practicalities) of eating dinner together as a family?

Some people provided general comments on the implications and importance of family dinner – others commented on issues or problems they had in relation to family dinners.

It’s not about the food

Almost a quarter of all respondents stressed that family dinner was not about the food, it was about being together as a family. For many people, family dinner was a way to connect the family, bring family members closer to one another, and build relationships. A considerable number of people said that dinnertime was the only time the whole family was together. It was a routine that provided them with a feeling of family belonging and closeness. Seven percent of respondents said that having dinner together as a family was the most important thing to them or had very high priority in their lives. A few people noted that family dinner was a priority for them but that they would like to improve the situation.

“There’s no doubt that having mealtimes together helps keep the family connected, feeling secure and loved.”

“My husband makes a huge effort to be home from work at 5pm so we can eat together at 5.30. Dinner is a big part of the little bit of time during the week he gets to see the kids so we decided it was a key family time.”

“The meal together means a family is together.”

Respondents gave many specific reasons why eating together as a family was important. Nearly one fourth of respondents noted that dinner set the scene for communication between family members. Many people caught up with one another on things such as the day’s events and talked about dreams, desires and plans during dinner. Many families discussed current issues, politics and faith, and felt that dinner was a great time to instil good values and morals in their children. A number of these people said that many of their problems were solved during dinner. In addition, 3% of respondents noted that dinner was not just about discussing serious matters but also about having fun. Some of these people played games and shared funny stories during dinner.

“Having dinner at the table all together is less about the food and more about community, engagement, enjoyment, brainstorming, friendship, and fun.”

“We have ‘good thing bad thing’ where everyone has a turn to say something good that happened and something bad that happened. I believe in this busy world, this is one opportunity to connect as a family.”

“Dinner is a time when everyone gets to share their experiences, my grandson that I take care of always asks his Koro ‘how was your day Koro’ and then listens politely while he is told, it is a time when he knows he can share information and we will sit and listen.”

Fourteen percent of respondents said family dinners were important for learning. Many people thought it was important for learning table manners and etiquette as well as social skills and problem solving skills. Many saw it as a good opportunity to model good behaviour and for imparting general knowledge and life skills. Another 4% of respondents thought eating dinner together was a good way to learn about nutrition, reinforce healthy eating, and observe children’s eating habits. A few people noted that their children ate better when the whole family was eating together than when they ate alone.

“The dinner table is a really important place for learning about relating to other people, taking turns, manners etc.”

“I think it’s important for their social development to know to sit and eat at the table.”

“By eating together I can actually see what my child is consuming and the amounts.”

Six percent of respondents usually watched TV during dinner. Some said this was a positive thing as it created a great deal of discussion and there was plenty of time to focus on one another during the ads. Others said they only watched TV because it coincided with the news, which they felt was important to watch for everyone in the family. A few of these people thought it would have been better if news were aired a bit later in the evening, after dinnertime.

“Whilst it’s not ideal to have the TV on during dinner, we find this is the only time we have to watch the news and that it’s a good thing for our kids to know what’s going on in the world they live in. Otherwise the TV stays off during dinner.”

Issues

The most common issue people mentioned was that work tends to interfere with being able to have dinner together as a family. Many respondents said that one parent (typically the father) often came home from work after dinnertime, which meant that they missed having dinner with the family. Other people said it was hard to fit in dinner when both parents worked, as one had to be home early to make the food, which could be stressful, and the other was often left out. Particularly when the children were older and both parents worked, it was common for the children to eat dinner on their own before the parents got home.

“Would like to do it every day but the practicalities of life, i.e. working hours, mean it isn’t always possible. We do eat breakfast together every morning and lunch and dinner at weekends.”

“I know all the research says it is important to eat together but with two working parents we struggle to make this happen during the week. We try to eat together in the weekends.”

A related issue, mentioned by 5% of respondents, was balancing bedtime routines with dinner routines. As previously reported in question five, younger children need to eat earlier in the day due to their early bedtime. This was a problem for some families where one parent or the other came home late from work, and/or the parent at home felt it was too early to eat when the children needed to eat. Often this resulted in one parent consistently missing out on dinner with the family. Alternatively, children and adults ate at separate times.

“We just can’t eat dinner together during the week. My husband works until 7.30pm, the two boys 2 and 5 years eat at 5pm. I eat with my husband later on. We try to eat together at least once on the weekend so the boys know what it’s like. Our family used to eat together every night as I grew up – it is sad my kids don’t experience that.”

When it came to parents of older children they often noted that their children’s commitments such as sports or part-time work coincided with dinner times. This resulted in older children sometimes eating alone or with friends.

”It would be great if the children’s training times for their sports was outside dinner times.”

Five percent of respondents said that dinnertime was stressful for them. Some of these people found it stressful because their children were misbehaving during dinner or because they lacked the time to prepare the food properly and dinners were consequently disorganised and this elicited more stress than pleasure. Some of these respondents had children with disabilities. These children needed a considerable amount of attention during dinner (e.g. feeding), which was often very stressful for the parents.

“At this stage my husband and I do not enjoy meal times, it’s very stressful with children complaining, arguing, demanding, and dealing with bad manners, any decent conversation is generally interrupted by the above.”

“The important thing that usually goes with family meals is that families do connect and have that regular time together, and it can be a bonding experience. But if the pressure to do it every day is so much it generates more stress than gain then it should be let go and just done on those occasions when the gain outweighs the cost.”

Another barrier to eating dinner together as a family was the absence of a dinner table. Seven people (2%) of respondents reported that they did not have a dining table, either because their house was too small to fit a dining table or because they could not afford to buy one.

“Unfortunately at present we don’t have a dining table so meals are eaten in the lounge in front of the TV. I hate it and would rather be at a table where we can concentrate on discussing things as a family but we do try to make up for it. I try to aim dinner time for the news hour so that we can all watch together and discuss the daily events and sometimes we switch to a music channel and turn the volume down low so that conversation can take place. I feel we still use dinner time as a forum for catching up on what is going on with each child despite not having a table.”