Shaping the child
One in four respondents made comments which focused on the influential role that parents had in shaping their children’s future. Many people stressed that parents were influencing children’s future outcomes through impacting on their social, emotional, and economic well-being. Other people emphasised that parents were shaping children’s values and attitudes, which in turn influences the decisions they will make, which ultimately shape their future outcomes.

You shape your children’s attitudes and how they will cope in the world.

Parenting shapes children. Who they are, what they believe in, what’s important to them, how they make choices…and who they become as adults. Parenting is not the only factor but it is a very important one.

How you raise your child will ultimately determine how they perceive the world and their actions.

Parents acting as role models
Almost a fifth of respondents noted that role modelling was very important in shaping children. They also referred to the importance of teaching and guiding children so that they can become well-functioning adults.

We are role models for our children. We are to set guidelines and boundaries for them in order for them to grow up to be smart individuals who will make informative choices for their futures.

In addition, some people stressed the importance of teaching children to resist negative influences from peers, media, and government.

Shaping society and the next generation
A number of respondents made the link between the influence that they had on their children and the influence that this had on the well-being of society as a whole.

The care given by parents to children has a huge influence on their physical, mental, social and spiritual development, and this in turn effects the health of our society.

Parents shape the individuals of today and tomorrow and establish their sense of self worth and value system that they then take into the community.

Just over one in ten specifically mentioned the impact that parents had on society. People referred to social and political outcomes including crime rates, economic and intellectual wellbeing, and the development of policies and laws.

Good parenting supports the basis of good society.

It is one of the ways we make the social and political environment in which we exist. If we want to live in a nurturing, caring and cooperative society then parenting is where we start.

Fifteen percent of respondents felt parenting was important because it helped shape the next generation.

We are raising the next generation, we are teaching the values and morals that will affect how society runs. If we fail the consequences will be huge.

Formation of our next generation. Parenting provides the fundamentals of our next generation. Without secure attachment we are all doomed.

Parental responsibility
Fourteen percent of respondents commented on the enormous amount of responsibility that parenting entailed.

No one else cares about your children as much as you do. You brought them in the world – it wasn’t their choice. Being a parent is like being an archer – your children are the arrows and it depends on you (the bow) how high they fly.

A lot of people say “it starts at home”. I don’t think many people understand that quote. It’s very important once you have become a parent then it’s your responsibility to show the way, teach the child and let them develop into healthy strong adults.

Over 10 percent of people commented on parents’ responsibility to provide love, care, support, and basic needs (e.g. food, shelter, safety).

We bring our children into this world and therefore it is our responsibility to make sure they are raised right, giving them shelter, food, care, love and support!!!

Children need to be loved a cared for…they need to have proper meals and good lunches at school…

The overwhelming majority of respondents thought that family/whānau is a significant part of parenting – either by offering support and encouragement or appreciating parenting the same way as they do and sharing the same beliefs and values around parenting.

Family as a supportive and appreciative influence
Almost one third of respondents noted that their family is very supportive of their parenting. Many said that their family is a significant part of their lives and that they support them in their parenting role by offering emotional and practical support such as babysitting, encouragement, appreciation, and advice. A number of respondents feel particularly glad that their families are supporting them in their decision to stay home with their children. Many of the respondents emphasised the important role that grandparents play in supporting the family.

As an extended family, we all place huge importance on bringing up our children well, being at home with them, as grandparents, looking after them and offering support, and as aunts/uncles being available to help whenever needed.

All our extended family are committed to raising their children and see it as a priority with several of them having at least omne parent at home at full-time capacity. Grandparents also take time to input into the lives of their grandchildren.

I am a sole mother of the only child in my family. My family love him (and me) very much and are well aware of the important and difficult job I am doing.

We are a close knit family. We all support each other and care and respect each other. We don’t all parent the same, by respect that everyone has their own way of parenting.

Just over one fifth of respondents mentioned that their family share the same values and ideas about parenting.

We have all been brought up with the same values, we share the same morals and agree it is the most important job we will ever do.

Just over one in ten people referred to the important part that their family play in the intergenerational transfer of values and beliefs.

We had a great mum who modelled what excellent parenting looks like and how set herself very high standards, which was inspiring…

As a great-grandparent I have had the privilege of seeing how the parenting my wife and I provided has been carried on by our children and grandchildren.

Family as a negative or unsupportive influence
Seventeen percent of respondents made reference to the negative or unsupportive influences that ones family can have – either by not sharing the same values and therefore not appreciating or supporting them in their role as parents or grandparents or by being unavailable due to other priorities.

My parents do not fully understand the importance of being parenting and my extended family are perhaps not as aware as they could either.

Sometimes I think that going out and getting a job and working long hours is more important than being with the kids.

At times my family criticise the decisions I make, not understanding that I make them because I want the best for my children. For example, I pay high rent in a good school zone and I choose to forego social events sometimes so I can stay home with my children.

Some people also mentioned that they had a negative or abusive childhood themselves and that this was unhelpful in their present role as a parent. For some this meant that they had not been modelled or taught good parenting practices while others feel unable to turn to their parents for advice or support.

Inflexible with regard to family commitments and work-life balance
More than a third of respondents replied that their workplace had an inflexible approach to accommodating their families or that workplaces don’t have appropriate work-life balance policies in place.

Workplaces may talk the talk but often don’t support flexible working hours, part time work, parental leave, workplace childcare etc.

Other respondents noted that their employer has a poor or non-existent work-life balance policy which often meant that as an employee they often feel uncomfortable even asking for time off to spend with their families. This inability to take time off was mentioned specifically around important events in the family life such as school sports days, school holidays and to spend time with sick children.

Workplaces are very stressful and full-on nowadays. Taking time off to care for sick children is frowned upon by companies.

The workplace is supportive of the needs of my family
More than a quarter of respondents said they believe their employer was family-friendly and their policies allow them to parent in a way they feel comfortable with.

It depends on the workplace. My own one is a small family business where the principals have families so they are very supportive.

Many reported that their workplaces offered part-time and flexi-time options and that these were widely accepted. Some reported that they are able to explore an even wider range of flexible options with their employers which allows them to spend more time with their families when they desire.

…I feel, as long as the job gets done, find mutual hours and do it. I have awesome employers at present and can even take my oldest into work if I need to.

Other respondents said they work together with their workplaces, employees or employer to find the solution that would best address all of their respective needs.

I work in an organisation that places tamariki and whanau at the forefront. We encourage a sharing of issues and solutions. We know there is no magic fix for the problems that parents face today.

Financial needs of business override family issues
Fourteen percent of respondents feel that the financial needs of the business, in most cases, overrode those of the family. Many respondents said that even if an employer tried to be family friendly, the reality is that the company’s profit aspirations often take priority when making decisions. Some people commented that society’s attitudes are changing for the better and that, although making money was a reality, many companies are taking more account of employee issues and impacts on their families when making decisions.

Some respondents who are self-employed admitted to feelings of guilt when they sacrificed family time to continue their work with direct relation to making more money for their business. Some justified their decision by noting that the extra money made, was intended to be spent improving the family’s quality of life.

Workplaces are normally profit driven and expect you to do the work you are paid for without them having to worry about your family needs.

Workplaces demand too much time
Ten percent of respondents said that workplaces demand too much time and didn’t recognise the importance of the employee’s time with the family. Respondents spoke of being too tired when they returned from work to spend quality time with their children and partners and some feel that family time at weekends has been similarly encroached upon by shops which are open on both Saturdays and Sunday for extended hours.

Some felt workplaces demanded more time than ever before from employees and that many employers also expected employees to take work home.

Work seems to take more and more time and [employers] expect you even to take work home.

Staying together as a family unit
Twenty two percent of respondents are concerned that government policies resulted in families being unable to stay together as a family unit. The main example cited was the introduction of 20-hours free early childhood education per week for three and four year olds. This is seen by many as an initiative that is designed to make it easier to have children put into preschool which in turn, suggests that mother’s should be working rather than raising their children during this period.

The push from the government is to get mothers out working as soon as possible. They believe that children will be brought up better by child institutions.

Other people cited that they feel the government policies generally discouraged the nuclear family with particular references made to the impact of the courts and CYFS in keeping families apart. Other respondents reported that many initiatives of the government to help them are not living up to their expectations. Again many of these comments relate to the 20-hours of free early childhood education.

Day care hours – supposedly free 20 hours but not in practice and too many loopholes.

Removal of parents’ rights and responsibilities
Respondents feel that freedom of choice is being removed from parents. They feel the government should have more trust in their skills and in many cases they are disappointed that instead of offering parents education on solutions to issues they offered penalties or removed power from the parents instead.

The government always provide the ambulance at the bottom of a cliff instead of preventing problems…

Other respondents noted that several government ministers do not have children of their own and they questioned whether this impacts negatively on their ability to effectively guide and implement policies towards families.

Parents especially over the last year or two have been hounded by a government that is very patronising and shows little if any understanding of how a family really works.

They value the role of the family and have made some positive steps
Just under 20 percent of respondents believe government has implemented good policies and that this shows the high value government places on the role of families in New Zealand. Examples cited relate to the introduction of the early childhood education supplement, tax credits for families, the increase in paid parental leave, the introduction of the working for families package, and waiving interest on student loans which are all seen as positive steps for families.

I feel the last couple of years have seen some good changes in supporting parents (ie paid maternity leave, increases in family assistance).

The government has good intentions, but that they have failed to deliver on their promises
Thirteen percent of respondents feel the government has good ideas, but is failing to put these into practise. Many saw the government’s approach as paying ‘lip service’ to families.

…the nature of politics dictates the need to please the majority…this only allows for incremental changes in policy reflecting parenting values. Governments are short-term thinkers…better parenting benefits are only long term.

They fail to recognise the importance of mothers who stay at home
Nine percent of respondents believe the government is not doing enough to recognise the importance of mothers who choose to stay at home to raise their children. Many feel that raising children is just as important, if not more important, for society than working and that they should be recognised monetarily for this.

The government should value the place of stay at home parents more and not be so concerned or pushy about getting them back to work as though that is the only place one can find value or worth!

Nine percent of respondents feel they are financially worse off due to the policies of the government. Many feel they are being penalised by unfair tax treatment of their income which does not allow couples to split their income for tax purposes. They feel this discouraged one partner from caring for the child at home.

One policy that would really help families would be income splitting. This would actually help families and allow more Mums to stay at home.

Other respondents cited increasing costs as a burden for families and see the government as being primarily responsible. Examples cited include increased housing costs, being unable to access affordable child care, being above the qualifying threshold to receive any working for families support, and a perceived inadequacy in paid parental leave entitlements.

Other concerns
The repeal of section 59 is seen by some as interfering with the traditional role of parents. They question whether this reform will have the desired effect and suggests it will criminalise many ‘good, loving parents’.

Some respondents said that they believe the government’s policies have directly resulted in them being better off financially and that this shows the government’s concern for families. They cite recent legislation such as the increase in paid parental leave and the working for families package as the main reason for this.