In March and April 2007, we asked Couch members about the ways couples get support for their relationship. We asked if and where they get relationship support and what might prevent them from accessing support. We also asked about relationship education and whether they would attend such a course.
Thank you to the 764 Couch members who completed this poll.
Couch members primarily received information and advice about relationships from their friends, family or partner. Most respondents had sought support for a relationship problem and this support was most likely provided by a friend, family member, or the media (eg books, magazines, TV). The majority of people thought that relationship education should be provided both in schools and before people marry or decide to live together.
People would generally see a counsellor or attend a relationship education course if it was available to them and if they felt the need for it. The top three reasons why people would not access support were time, travel, and partner’s unwillingness to see a counsellor. In addition people emphasised the importance of relationship education in schools and pre-marital education, and the need for more easily accessible information and advice about relationships. It was also mentioned that stigma was a common reason why people did not seek professional help when their relationships were in trouble. Generally, Couch members have diverse ideas about the underlying values around relationships, with some people holding more traditional values while others holding more liberal views.
Most Couch members who responded to this poll were female (84%), living in an urban area (83%) and aged between 30 and 50 years (73%).
Most respondents received information and advice about relationships from friends, family, and/or their partner. They also received a great deal of information and advice from books, magazines, and TV programmes.
Sixty-five percent of people responded that they had sought support for a relationship problem that was difficult to resolve.
Couch members who had sought support for a relationship problem most commonly did so from a friend, professional (for example a counsellor, psychologist or psychotherapist), or a family member.
Eighty percent of respondents thought that education about healthy relationships should be provided in secondary schools.
Seventy percent of respondents thought that couples who plan to marry or live together should first take part in a relationship education course.
Over fifty percent of respondents would seek counselling as a couple if they were experiencing ongoing relationship problems. Nearly one-fifth of respondents would maybe seek counselling, some would seek counselling as an individual, but few would not seek counselling at all.
Nearly fifty percent of Couch members were undecided on whether they would attend a relationship education course. About one-third reported they would attend.
Cost was the main reason why respondents would not seek professional support. Time and partner’s unwillingness to see a counsellor were also common barriers.
Q9: Is there anything else you would like to tell us about support for couples through information and advice?
Over 200 Couch members responded to this question. Nearly a quarter of these people stressed the value and importance of pro-actively becoming informed about healthy relationships. This included relationship education in schools for people who haven’t yet formed relationships, pre-marital education, and relationship enhancement courses for married couples and couples living together. Some people also mentioned the importance of having parents acting as good role models for their children.
Relationships skills need to be present before ‘couplehood’ happens as skills are about personal awareness and interpersonal skills… in whatever setting… family, work, friends – all before embarking on pairing!
What I have found to be most effective in helping relationships is pre-marriage counselling which examines roles, communication, sex, and expectations. Couples frequently refer back to this training and have found it helpful in avoiding major conflict. I would like to see marriage or relationship courses widely available, the same as antenatal, parenting, and other socially based education programmes.
A large number of people commented on the lack of information and other resources available about relationships. Many said they didn’t know where to look and wanted to know if it even existed. Some mentioned the use of media such as TV and radio, to gain information and advice about relationships. One Couch member said:
I work fulltime so I don’t get to watch daytime TV. However at odd times I have been home and information on programmes like Dr Phil (as corny as that sounds) actually helped me with some relationships tips, including parenting. It would be good to see something in prime time that helps to strengthen families that is New Zealand based – something educational.
In addition to the need for more easily accessible information, many Couch members mentioned the need for more accessible counselling. Cost and time were the top reasons why people did not seek counselling. Other reasons included travel, lack of childcare, and partner or spouse’s unwillingness to see a counsellor.
My relationship fell apart and I asked if my partner would come to counselling, he refused. I feel I should have gone by myself but had no access to childcare. He would not look after the children and I could not get to the nearest town to attend without his help (could not afford babysitters or cost of petrol for extra trips).
Another reason why people would not seek counselling was because of the social stigma around asking for professional help. People felt embarrassed in case someone they knew would find out they were seeing a counsellor. This was particularly pertinent for males. A couple of respondents said that if counselling was more accepted in society then more couples would seek help before it was too late.
It would be great if support for relationships was seen as ‘normal’, not just something to do if there is a problem.
It would be great to see a series of ads which normalise guys seeking help/support.
Some Couch members emphasised the role of churches in accessing support and receiving education about relationships. Many had attended pre-marital education courses offered by their church. These courses were often seen as very helpful and were therefore highly recommended.
Couch members commented on the importance of values. These comments were often polarised, for example, some Couch members said they wanted to see a diverse range of relationships recognised and supported, while others said that married couples should be the main focus for recognition and support. Some respondents thought counselling should be accessed as problems occur, while others thought that couples should sort out any relationship issues themselves. Some thought that relationship counselling and education should be provided and funded by government while others thought this was mainly a responsibility of non-government agencies, churches, and families.
Overall, Couch members’ comments focused on relationship education and access to support – both professional support and public education including information – and on reducing the stigma associated with seeking help and advice.
Conclusion
Thanks again to the Couch members who participated in this poll.
The Families Commission recently held workshops with people from different organisations (non-government organisations, churches, counselling service providers and government agencies) that support couple relationships in Wellington, Auckland and Dunedin. The summary of results from this poll was given to the people who participated in the workshops. Your views ensured we could present the perspective of family members in planning any future research, policy, and advocacy on supporting couple relationships.
